Darcy Schmidt Design		Naked Artist presents The Spring Fever Fashion Show with faux frontal nudity at Kiss & Tell, Victoria, 2003

	I make a grand entrance wearing a huge black cape-robe-type-thing and a balaclava. This sort of look is very IN. Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" is blaring over the sound system and it is quite ominous. The crowd is quite tense until I shed the robe and start gyrating.
		I lose the Sexy Fish t-shirt and the audience starts groping me. I leap up on a stategically placed dancing platform and whip out my gi-normous member and twirl it for the audience. They squeal with delight and the fashion show begins!

Presenting Outre Wear for Bad Boys and Groovy Grrrls by Darcy Schmidt Design. You’ll be the hit of the boardwalk in a sexy, pumped up muscle vest with matching excited sporran. These outfits are perfect for a fetish party or casual day at the office.

Worried about erectile disfunction? Fear no more - the versatility of this design ensures that you are always ON.

Numerous piercing means that you will always have a handy spot for that spare set of keys - whether dangling from a nipple piercing and either a Prince Albert or Haffada scrotum piercing (depending on the model).

These ensembles are created from stretch knit over foam rubber. The zipper-front vests are open and breezy and the tie-in-the-rear sporrans are always ready to take advantage of impromptu drafts.

Check out the sexiest creatures from the Seven Seas with the SEXY FISH FASHION COLLECTION.			Make a radical fashion statement with this sexy fish outfit in pink stretch knit with sparkly chevrons. The presence of frontal and dorsal fins make this outfit FINtastic! It’s perfect for a beach walk on a chilly evening.
For the inner brute in you, consider this pumped-up fish outfit in silky blue synthetics and 70’s sheers. Red pecs and abs are perfect for beating on, and the larger-than-life shlanker enhances your maleness.		Check out this sexy sea anemone number in cozy pink stretch knit. Note the handy side zippers and below-the-crotch snaps which make getting in and oput of this garment, well, a SNAP!. Perfect for an intimate rendezvous or a casual beach barbecue.
	At work or play, consider the versatility of this springy sea urchin outfit. Perfect for a dominatrix of the 21st century. It asserts itself with every shake of its spines, yet the multi-breasts & ultra yoni hint at a gentler nature.

This is surely the catch of the day! Form fitting in sexy sparkles and 70’s sheers, it features an appendage that is sure to make a SPLASH at any formal gathering!

(Unfortunately there is no picture of this outfit except for this shot of all the other sea creatures hoisting it's huge penis in a conga-line formation.)

It’s the Back to Reform School Collection by Darcy Schmidt Design! A sexy a-sordid-ment of tops and bottoms. But who are the tops? And who is bottoming for them?

Randolph is sporting a flashy metallic tile top with matching briefs. This eye-catching design is perfect for a late school-night of clubbing followed by a day of playing hookie at seedy arcades in the company of older, generous men. Work it, Randolph!

Twila is looking hot ‘n bothered in this hairy top with matching bikini bottoms. The spanky lime green colouring makes it the ideal thing to wear for an afternoon of hanging out in the men’s bathroom at the bus station. Thanks, Twila, for everything.

Reginald gives off cool CATtitude in this Skank Tank with Matching Jock Strap in sultry midnight leopard. The uber-wife-beater design alludes to the harsh reality of detention hall, while Reginald is often just a big pussy in need of discipline.

	Chulisa is lookin’ like a hot vixen in this daring red eyelash organza top with matching g-string. Its brazen design helps to assert her every strut down the hall to the VICE Principal’s office - often for an after-school tryst.
You’re a bad boy, Reginald!		Show us how you work it, Chulisa!

Tyrone is ripe for the picking in this ensemble called "The Age of a Hairy Ass" - a brutishly hairy vest with matching thong. It’s contemporary styling and trash appeal help Tyrone retain that athletic scholarship year after year from coaches Ben Dover and Phil McCracken, if ya know what I mean. Give us a real good look, Tyrone!

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! These special SEXtra outfits all have a little something sssssss-extra...			They say bad things come in 3’s - very very bad things. But so do very good things - like the three perky tits on this disco outfit. Shake ‘em, baby!
	Embrace your inner mutant with this dazzling Sex-Teat outfit. You just never know when you’ll be called to wet nurse a small herd of neighbourhood children or take over from a tired old sow who needs her litter of piglets suckled while she goes out for an afternoon at the casino.

		Now here’s a pair of low hangers. Check out this fabulously miss-matched two-piece She-Male outfit. Go ahead - give it a twirl!

And just when you thought it was safe to look under the bed… Say hello to Marilyn, everybody!	She’s everybody’s favourite babysitter and is the perfect companion for church picnics. Marilyn is wearing The UnDress Hoop - a sexy little faux-fetish number which can be worn under something or over something. And if you're really daring it can be the something! Notice how it adds a dash of craziness to whatever it is that Marilyn is wearing. And check out the matching collar.

Look who’s sporting this cozy 6-foot penis outfit! It’s constructed from stretch knit and satin-esque fabrics over polyester quilting and foam rubber Warm & comfy, so perfect for wearing outdoors at Quebec’s Winter Carnival or snuggling into on a cold winter evening in front of the fireplace. He’s what every man claims to be but few measure up. This outfit was created in 1996 for a genital piercing demo in Ottawa. It was sewn by hand, you know, needle and thread - no machine. It’s an old, filthy penis costume that has been around quite a bit and its never been washed…

Oh my Goodness! It’s the Tactical Women’s Assault Team, or T.W.A.T. What are they up to? Costumier Darcy Schmidt has created these fabulous CUNTstumes for your enjoyment. Check ‘em out!

This CUNTstume is perfect for a sexy night on the town here or in TWAT-awa... (the capital of this CUNT-ry). You won't be able to keep your sticky little fingers off of this one’s dazzling hood. Get it? This little number CUMS in an adjustable size - handy side and crotch inserts can transform you from a real tight fit to a fully engorged clit - all in less time than a finger bang. Accessorize it however you want - a large pad with wings will turn it into a "period outfit" or the addition of a riding crop will give new meaning to the term "PUSSY Whipped".			Let your Russian hands and Roman fingers explore the sleek lines of this form-fitting European style Sports-CUNTstume. Check it out!

This fierce Vagina Dentata CUNTstume has a voracious appetite and is truly insatiable.		I think it wants to make a late night snack out of Mr Penis…

Hey Mr Penis, don’t get a swollen head ‘cause YOU CAN BE REPLACED! Make way for this amazing, two-person Double-Ended Dildo outfit!	This number is definitely the way of the future!	It’s the perfect size for sharing with friends and neighbours and is definitely a crowd pleaser. The Double-Ended Dildo Outfit by Darcy Schmidt Design…

	The models are herded back into the dressing area before the curtain call. After the thunderous applause finishes, models and spectators delight in pulling packaged gum balls out of Naked Artist's bum.

Here's a big Thank You to everyone who pulled together to make this show a big sex-cess!

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